This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
