You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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