I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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