the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
