in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
