i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
