So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
