The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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