K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
