just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
