hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
