so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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