I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
