There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
