The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
how does that bad decision feel?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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