Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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