good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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