yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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