When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
