Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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