It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize