I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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