This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
