i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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