is wine microwaveable?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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