but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
