Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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