I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I love having hate sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need a beard to bite.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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