We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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