I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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