Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
