So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
