Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
