there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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