so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
