Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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