none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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