come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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