Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
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I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize