i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
