Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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