I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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