Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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