My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
