you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
