Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
