Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
