My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
