Im at strip club and am horny
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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