Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
