We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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