when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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