yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
