Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
