If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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