I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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