I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
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I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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