I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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