People with herpes should wear stickers.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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