I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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