He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
