my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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