like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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