when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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