So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
