Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
