I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
