Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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