Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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