thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
