How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
