I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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