i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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