And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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