you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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