Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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