I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
