in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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